Woman, hide!

Why?

Why am I expected to be a fertile female but not allowed to disclose or reveal it?

Why am I expected to hide my true self and come out as something that I am not?

Don’t blame men.                            Women are as guilty.

If you wear anything but a traditional chudidaar and cover yourself in layers of folded fabric never mind the hot climate, you are deemed a characterless slut who is out for promotions on the bed. You're basically asking for it. Even a tiny hint of the strap on your shoulder creates a furore over your breasts and their existence. Your tops aren't supposed to reveal what's beneath them, they are so alarmed by the mere presence of what fed them after birth. 

Saris can reveal 6 inches of delicate waist but a faint glimpse of the female abdomen under a shirt will make them cringe as if they have seen something unholy.
Chop off those beautiful tresses that took so long to grow. Shove those pretty dresses and tops deep into your wardrobe to rot. Keep yourself wrapped in a shroud at all times. Own a permanent scowl.

Most of your problems will be solved when you don't look like a woman.
I wasn't actually going to talk about anything like this but then why not?

Those women that know what and who they want just can't be controlled by threats, walks of shame and moral exhortations. When they go ahead and fight for self-worth and voice their dislikes and discomfort, it is taken as a sign of rebellion and this greatly appals a certain section of men as well as women (which surprises me).

Those ladies who have dared to walk past the scorning perverts fearlessly are equally harassed by their own sex who come across as screeching owls upon the slightest evidence of femininity that these ladies possess.

So how do you go about it?

You start by shedding all traces of your femininity.

Technically according to a huge population in this world, the body of a female only exists for a man's needs. And you just cannot reveal anything apart from your face, fingers and toes.

You mustn't speak before a man, walk before a man or even go about doing your work if its not serving your man, if you do, all your accomplishments make you nothing but base and despicable.

So, it’s up to you.

Do you want to continue doing what others want or do you want to live life on your own terms?

Nobody but you gets to decide that for you.

This post was featured here!

Just A Woman: Part 4

She is back at it again with #DoYou for fighting and persistent women!

Do we wait till it gets as bad?

She has to feel like the sun could burn her if she stands directly under it without the protection of her multi-layered attire.

So when a girl walks out wearing clothes from neck to toes, she wonders if she is safe, because her mother insisted she would be.

She knows she's not.

People tell her "You're safe! It's all okay!" but it's not and it's not the sun that scares her!

From childhood to adulthood girls are never allowed to show skin, ever.

If at all at any point they do, they're smitten for it verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, by parents, friends, relatives, and strangers on the road.
Until man decides to whack them for no reason at all when they're on the street and he masturbates as they walk by, just because.

She knows someone somewhere is watching her, just because she's a woman.

She knows someone somewhere is plotting to hurt her, just because she's a woman.

- When a man whistles at her as she walks across the road, she thinks it's her fault. She immediately thinks of the mole between her breasts and curses, wondering if her kurti has too low a neck.

- When a man ogles at her, she thinks she made him do it. She may have looked at him for a second too long, or maybe she had it coming because she wore a t-shirt that covered her completely, but that's never enough and she knows it.

- When a man masturbates, he enjoys her terror at the realisation of what he's doing. She thinks she should've acted slower, gotten him caught in the act and made sure that she took slow steps towards the matter.

- When a man rapes her, she is made to feel that it was her fault and she invited it. The worst part is that if it isn't rape, it isn't even a crime. So long as her senses have suffered, but her "body is still pure", she is fine.

To the world, I, am a woman only if!

Only if, I have become the living avatar of Goddess Kali and taken my revenge.

After all, I cannot feel mutilated before I feel anger, and once I feel the anger, I'm acting irrationally.

So when men do things to us, look at us in a way we know is wrong, touch us in a way we don't want, force us to feel things that make us cower in fear as we cross the street in broad daylight, we feel men don't care if a woman feels, screams, or breathes.

It feels like they're hollering, "She's a woman. She knows what's coming to her."

We are never allowed to feel completely safe, because we are baby making machines.

Every time something bad happens to one of us, we try to subdue the pain thinking at least it wasn't a bad as..., till it gets as bad and then worse and there's no way out.

This post was featured here!

Humanity In A Nutshell

The opening of each pistachio shell is not big enough for the whole nut inside to just fall out by itself.

Salted pistachios sound and taste so crisp.

Sometimes its as easy as peeling a banana and sometimes you have to struggle and break your nails to crack it open only to find out that there's nothing inside.

Humanity in a nutshell.

Empty insde!

Just A Woman: Part 3

'Just Another Rant'

Trust your vibes. Energy doesn't lie.

Click on the above picture to read this post on BlogAdda!

I've adopted a routine these days.
Every morning I meditate and listen to my inner voice.

Whatever it says, I do.

And since then I've been really happier than before.
The evening jogs that I go for have been more of a detoxification of mind than body.

It might seem silly, but for someone like me who has been through so much, even these little bits of joy, satisfaction and fulfilment of self leaves me so content that  I forget those dark days and begin to believe that I can love and live again.

You would laugh, but sometimes my morning desire isn't very demanding, there are days when I long for a tiny piece of cake and then there are times when I want to go places far away.

No matter how trivial this voice and teensy these desires might seem, but trust me, they energise you when you listen to them!

I wish I had always listened to my energy and let it flow free.

I am happy when I hear my inner voice and I realise now I can actually listen to it!

Fallacious Vegetarianism

I am a vegetarian, also, non-violence is one of my overly valued principles. and this is something that not just me but my forefathers have been following since hundreds of years, even before M. K. Gandhi was born.

I live in a place where you will meet various breeds of humans and their copious customs - all in all, you can find all kinds of everything and not once in 26 years has this country failed to amuse me, though there have been certain instances which made me lose faith in my own species.

One of the most disturbing things that I have come across is that how assuredly some devout (not mentioning the religion) individuals go about with their non-violent propaganda yet kill helpless birds and harmless animals for the mere taste of the tongue.

But mind you, they only do it on specific days of the week!

They suddenly become vegetarians on Tuesdays, Thursdays and some on Saturdays.

They together mass murder numerous animals, slit their throat and let them bleed, fish them out of water and boil or fry them alive just for that halal taste which sets them in a trance that they forget their (not) much valued principles.

This has somehow become a culture and wherever I go I see them plead before huge idols and pictures of their god to forgive them for not abiding by the 'Shakahaari Somvaar' rule! And they expect to be forgiven because - 'akhir wo bhi insaan hai, galti ho jaati hai!'

I asked a few of them about their weird rules, and I wasn't disappointed this time either.
Below are some revelations that left me astounded.

According to them, killing animals on certain days of the week is a sin and on other days it's not.

Why I ask?

Is it because God only watches over you on those days? Or is it because on Tuesdays animals don't feel pain? Or is it because on Saturdays lives don't matter?

See, its either that your God forbids you from eating meat at all, or He doesn't. It can't be both ways.

For those who only eat a certain type of flesh because the other animals are impure (like a pig) or sacred (like a cow) is a very vague reason to avoid eating them. You either eat flesh or you don't. How does anyone or anything become overly impious or divine? I just don't get it.

And those who follow more than one religion often give a reason that they have these strange principles only because they don't want to disappoint either deities. So they fix days. Wow. I really have nothing to say. They are clearly eluding their principles and their 'Gods'.

There is just one religion- the religion of god and one family. The rest are just beguiling philosophies, some of which were charted down for our own selfish gains.

There are atheists too and they also follow this weird timetable.

They are only vegetarian for day just because they would like to spare innocent lives once a week.
Why don't you stop eating animals altogether? That way more lives would be spared than you can ever think.

This motivated me towards something really impressive - 

Like Shakahaari Somvaar, I too can have Murderous Monday - Can murder anyone you like!

This way I could murder someone on one day, become a monk on the other.
(I'll only be killing once a day unlike these fallacious vegetarians who kill any other day they like.)

And I would never be punished or reprimanded for that.

I could ask God forgiveness on other days of the week and I would be mercifully forgiven.

Wouldn't that be great?

Just A Woman: Part 2

A few years ago Kalki Koechlin sat down in front of a crowd and wowed them with her poetic performance:
'Dear Men'.
It was so inspirational that I could not let it ebb into the vast web.
This is why this video exists. 

Please share these amazing words.

The Feels of Anxiety

I'm not a good conversationalist and it makes me seem like a shitty friend. I don't jump into conversations. I'm quiet in groups and people assume that I'm sitting there, judging them.
But I'm just in awe of how easily they can communicate. How natural it is for them! How human they are!
I'm terrified of talking on the phone and starting conversations with strangers. I'm even scared of texting certain friends and coming on too strong. So I wait too long to answer back.
I don't let on that I care. But I care more than anyone realises. I care so much that it hurts. I don't reach out to people.
I come across as a snob, because I find it hard to talk, hard to force a smile.
But I'm not trying to be rude. I'm only trying to survive.
They just think I'm quiet, shy. They don't realise I have anxiety, because I'm not shaking at the table and hyperventilating into a paper bag.
And if someone happens to talk to me, I freak out so badly that I go around telling people the whole conversation just so because my anxiety tells me they could turn up against me and no matter what I must make sure that doesn't happen and that person doesn't dare talk to me ever again.
My meltdowns happen before I see them. The night before, on my drive there, on my bike - I'm freaking out the entire time imagining all the things that could go wrong, picturing how embarrassed I'll be. But when I'm finally in public, I internalise everything- I'm still anxious, I'm just not showing it. Secretly, I'm freaking out over what I look like. Freaking out over what to say next. Freaking out over why someone across the room gave me a strange look.
And if I need to compose myself, I escape to the bathroom and breathe heavy inside a stall or splash my face with water and then walk back into the room like I'm perfectly fine.
But I'm not fine.
Anxiety makes sure I'm never fine.
It makes me turn down opportunities that I know I'd enjoy.
It makes me stay quiet when I have something important to say.
In all honesty, anxiety makes me look like an asshole!

This was so unexpected! ROFL

I couldn't stop ROFLing when I saw this.

I didn't need any cues to get me rolling there! Haha

Too bad US!

Anyone who doesn't get the sarcasm here, ping me ;)

Just A Woman: Part 1

Just a woman making a difference.
Probably one of the most stirring invective against a culture that maybe going morally numb, one newspaper edition at a time. Kalki Koechlin performs a self written poem titled 'The Printing Machine': a rhythmic and scathing satire against daily broadsheets, magazines, social media and textbooks. 

Bad days do end.

Hey, I'm still here, a little more hopeful than before, my last post was really depressing.

Any way, I still have bad days, when happiness seems more like a mirage than a destination.
It jumps further away again just out of reach each time I seem to get close to it.

While I'm at it, it feels like I'm in a desert full of sufferings and false hopes.
Like my desert isn't supposed to end after all.

It feels as if my universe isn't ever going to return all the good.
Maybe for some, everything never really gets back to them after all.

Sometimes it feels like I'll never be able to escape this dreary vacuum of distress.
Sometimes it feels like I'll never get there, like I'll never be okay.

I look behind me.
I feel the pain that I endured.
I notice all the vanquished inner demons.
I see everything that I've been through.
I realise how far I've come.

And I know, without question, that I'm never going back.
And if I'm not going back, then I'm only moving ahead.

I recall and live it all again and remind myself that I have to turn around and onward.
I've come too far to give up because of one bad decision and a few bad days.

Because now I know.

Bad days end.

New days begin.

And tomorrow will be better.

Now I Know

I always wondered why it happened to me-

It wasn't my fault.

They were the one's with the wrong goals, trying to achieve the wrong things and hence, I was like a mountain of obstacles to them.

I showed them that their possessions were not enough to lure me in.

I was too strong for their weak minded games.

I was too much of a valiant before their cowardly and spineless nature.

They were typically pissed because I exposed their unduly adolescence.

It was just that I reminded them of the lack of substance and truth their hearts possessed.

Every time they saw me, they felt an invisible smack on their face.

They couldn't stand my veracity and truthfulness.

Now I know why it happened to me-

It was them!

To all those who want to bother me for the rest of my life, please don't give up!

I've always been working towards perfection.

And I'll need someone to pull me down so that I can slingshot myself even higher.

I'm not going to stop loving myself.

And I'll do it even more now because- Now I Know!

Do bad days end?Maybe not...

There are bad days and there are good days.
For some, they come and go, but for some, they're meant to last forever.
There are those unlucky ones who end up with all their share of bad days.
For them, suffering is just suffering.
It doesn't heal, it doesn't make them any stronger, it doesn't help them move on.
Every effort they make to hold on and make it any better only makes it worse.
They want to give up but they can't.
They are tired of all the suffering and it hurts.
It only hurts and it hurts so bad that they no longer care if the suffering eventually ends or not.
They don't want to hope for an end, because if they do, they fear it may start all over again.
They're just so sick of it all.

Do bad days end?
May be not always.

Maybe life isn't like a roller coaster after all, 

One Life!

After reading this, I feel so suffocated 😯

Happy Holi!One Day May Be...

It took me 3 months to realise it's 2017, but always late than never. The last two wintry months only made me feel that maybe December had decided to stay back a little longer.

This morning was filled with colours, or I'd rather say people looked really colourful this morning, including me. It felt so good to be a part of something, smile and greet total strangers.
It brings such joy!

Holi this year shall be one of the most memorable festivals for me.
While I was running around coloured colouring others, I decided to make it last, not for a day, but for a lifetime. I was like-
Why not take down the gloomy shades and put on the vibrant ones for real?
Why can't I just let the dark ones wash and let the bright ones stay?

Inspiring?
Or so I thought.

Its always easier said than done.
But if such inspirations keep getting to me, then,
May be one day I'll make it happen,
May be one day I'll be able to let go,
May be one day I'll be able to forgive those who tried to ruin my life,
May be one day!

(I don't know why all my posts end up being the same, I cant help it, I need to move on, I'll try and may be one day I'll end up writing what I intend to in the first place.)

Be and let be - PATIENT!

HAPPY HOLI!

Never Trust The Beginnings

It seems just like yesterday when I stood pondering over why adults overreact to such trivial issues they face in relationships, when all they needed was to love each other like we loved our parents, we couldn't survive without them and I felt that's how relationships worked too. Maybe I was too young to be in a relationship and was too innocent  to realise that that was going to be the problem by the time I reached an age where I had to deal with similar relationships that I, as a child, misjudged had only ruined for lack of love.

I now know that relationships need love of course but trust and faith are as important.
The relationship that I fell prey to was one without any of the above. It took me more than a year to realise what deep shit I was in and how stupid I was to fancy love for lifetime when there actually existed no such thing.

A relationship without trust is like having a phone without service. And what do they do with a phone with no service? They play games.

The last few days revealed his true face, his dirty intentions and his purpose of deceiving me, till then I was only cursing myself as to why I was being tore down in spite of giving up everything for him, his family and our relationship.

I got my answer soon after.

Isn't it pathetic how we waste so much time on certain people and in the end they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it? In the end we realise, we mustn't trust the beginnings, because the truth is told in the last moments.

Now here's a man who knows women :)

And I ain't got words to say.

He is so right!

Blatant Chauvinism

Last evening I heard a man advocate the rules of English to someone. He openly declared that the 'usage' in English language is somewhat analogous to a 'husband', and 'grammar' to a 'wife'. He blatantly justified it by saying that since the husband is always right so is the usage, he also generalised that grammar goes wrong before usage just like a wife who is always wrong before a husband, and hence usage in English always comes before grammar.

I understood why he said that usage in English comes before grammar (because it does happen 'sometimes'), but I couldn't fathom why he compared these two concepts with husband and wife because he just stood there and stated it veraciously as if what he said was the universal truth.

Why are husbands always right?

Are men gods or intellectuals or did he want to declare that only men (who eventually become husbands) have the capacity to to think, reason and judge?

Why are wives always wrong before their husbands?

Are all wives dumb or did he want to declare that women (who eventually become wives) have no brains?

Or was he trying to imply that women didn't have the capacity to think and lacked lucidity (and may be he was trying to show women their 'place')?

Does he have a wife and daughters?
If yes, does he always slap and correct them when they talk because husbands are always right and hence all the females in his house are wrong?
Did his dad treat his mother the same?

It took me at least a minute to realise he definitely wasn't there to talk about English and its usage but rather declare and establish the fact the men are always right and express his chauvinism towards men.

Many decades ago, marriage was defined as a fundamentally sexist institution where the wife was both financially and sexually subservient to her husband, and no matter what, wives weren't supposed to talk before their husbands because they were assumed to be stupid and their reasoning was believed to be limited to the kitchen and its spices.

Though our national constitution has been amended and laws have changed drastically to favour the equality of both husband and wife, disseminating such subservient norms immoral, the reality is that the way we define the concept of marriage according to the law bears little resemblance to the actual concept of marriage still being adhered to.

Men fail to realise that while they are judging, mocking and stereotyping the women of today, women are getting ready for tomorrow, getting ready to fight back for their rights, and getting ready to fight against the concept that women merely exist for men.

The man who was chastening women yesterday needs to be admonished and reprimanded because he was rude, adamant, stubborn, and was being an aggrandising  narcissist.
His understanding of English is also flawed- he has no idea that without grammar, the usage won't even matter!

This post was featured here!

Image source:David Henry Friston [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, for representational purpose only.

Today You Begin!

Today is the day, the day I start believing again.

Today, today is the day I stop holding myself back tied down with things I wish I'd done differently, burdened with the what-ifs and the if-onlys.

Today, today is the day I remember that there are still good people in this world who wish well and want what I want.

Today, today is the day I regain my faith that there truly is a purpose for everything, each and every step, every heartbreak, every joy, every loss.

These last few weeks, months, years have really tested me, they've scraped me up, bruised me, tested the limits of my strength, stretched the boundaries of my heart, hurt my hands as I tried so hard to hold on to things that were tearing at my grasp. It has been a hard road and yet, here I am, unbroken, still standing, with teary eyes and healing, but ready, ready on this new day to start believing again, believing that the plan for my life is not just already what has happened to me, believing that my future, your destiny is still being written, shaped, refined, perfected, all just like the pieces of a puzzle that don't even have a complete picture painted yet, but eventually will.

Diffidence was never a virtue, and today I promise that I will crown myself with self confidence. No matter who has hurt me, or what's been taken from me, or no matter how many times I've had to start over.

Today, I am standing in the eye of the storm. And once the storm is over, I won't remember how I made it through, how I managed to survive. I won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when I come out of the storm, I won't be the same person who walked in.

If I needed a sign, here it is, its time to let go and go fearlessly, joyfully and with a boundless hope into a fresh new world washed by the storm.

That's what this storm is all about.

That's what today is all about.

Today is my plain canvas to start over.

Today is the day.

Today I Begin!