I wake up tired in the morning. I don't get much sleep at night. I spend hours and hours thinking, obsessing. I replay every mistake I've ever made, over and over in my head. And always beat myself up over it. It consumes my thoughts like the mold on an apple. I can never get it out of my head. It eats me up on the inside.
I'm constantly glued to my phone thriving on the approval of others, searching for my daily fixes of Instagram likes, story views and twitter retweets, aimlessly scrolling for most of the day. Social media is like a drug. How can the name be so ironic as it must be un-social media, cutting off from the real social world.
I constantly fear the worst scenario in every situation. Before first dates I'm convinced I'm going the say the wrong things or going to act the wrong way. Before road trips I fear disastrous accidents.
I obsess over everything in my head. What I should have said in the conversation. What if I did or said the wrong thing? The way that somebody looked at me yesterday. The fact that my mates haven't texted me back yet and I start debating what I did to upset them. Paranoia creeps in and I feel that my friends really don't like me. It seems silly to others. But for me? Its real fears. Its real to me.
I cancel events that I really want to go to. When the day eventually comes and my anxiety is in full force, I have to say no. Short term fixes to long term problems when deep down I know its making my anxiety worse. My friends think that I'm unreliable and tell me to just get over it. But I can't. If they only knew the best choice for me is to stay at home and get to sleep. But sleep is always an issue for me. It's hard for me to get to sleep because I have so many things to digest and contemplate about the day that I had. My mind never seems to shut off. It's like I'm trapped in my spiraling thoughts. hours of staring at the ceiling pass, night falls and the cycle continues.
I'm constantly glued to my phone thriving on the approval of others, searching for my daily fixes of Instagram likes, story views and twitter retweets, aimlessly scrolling for most of the day. Social media is like a drug. How can the name be so ironic as it must be un-social media, cutting off from the real social world.
I constantly fear the worst scenario in every situation. Before first dates I'm convinced I'm going the say the wrong things or going to act the wrong way. Before road trips I fear disastrous accidents.
I obsess over everything in my head. What I should have said in the conversation. What if I did or said the wrong thing? The way that somebody looked at me yesterday. The fact that my mates haven't texted me back yet and I start debating what I did to upset them. Paranoia creeps in and I feel that my friends really don't like me. It seems silly to others. But for me? Its real fears. Its real to me.
I cancel events that I really want to go to. When the day eventually comes and my anxiety is in full force, I have to say no. Short term fixes to long term problems when deep down I know its making my anxiety worse. My friends think that I'm unreliable and tell me to just get over it. But I can't. If they only knew the best choice for me is to stay at home and get to sleep. But sleep is always an issue for me. It's hard for me to get to sleep because I have so many things to digest and contemplate about the day that I had. My mind never seems to shut off. It's like I'm trapped in my spiraling thoughts. hours of staring at the ceiling pass, night falls and the cycle continues.
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