Hope(less)

The greatest fear I've ever experienced in my 25 years is the realisation that I'm scared of hope.
It's the most bipolar emotion.

In a single moment, you can go from gazing into a glowing-golden horizon to wallowing in the darkest night of your lifetime.

Still, I won't let the possibility of a dark future shadow my ability to hope, and I won't let the fear of change hold me.

Most importantly, I'll be careful with how I use it, and I'll choose my battles differently.

No more silly hope for cake and ice cream.

But hope for redemption...now that's something worth the fear.

No, I won't let go of that despite the greatest terror.

I overthink, therefore I am!

Thoughts drive me.
Now, many of us are facing the grave danger of using our brains too much and creating problems for ourselves that don't even exist. Then there are those who think and create wonders for themselves out of sheer luck. They are the inventors of the easiest solutions for the gravest times as if its duck soup. Then there is me. I'm a person who might make sense publicly, but inside I'm as good as a dumb donkey who is out kicking it's own ass for no reason there can be. First, I think; there's no good outcome. Then I overthink;  there are dangers present which never existed before.

Last night I sat back thinking how easily more than three quarters of 2017 were already over.
That's when I began to skim through all my posts over the past months and I must say I indeed have been scary.
In reality, I'm not scary, and I'm not full of hate either, in fact I love to love and be loved back.
And now I'm in a position to either delete them posts or let them just be as an evidence of what I've been through and been doing all this time.
I'm sure I'll find this post as cringe worthy as my previous articles now, yet I write.
The amount of growth I achieved in the last year has been incredible and I'm thankful to all those who helped me achieve it. Coming this far wasn't easy.